Stick to love
I never forget the small hut, the clear pond, the water lotus lotus, fish and shabby little wooden boats.
I was watching the day there, in the same attitude, different mood.
From the point of view of the outline of the old man to straighten the spine and facial Junjie, he young is certainly a rough, bold, dare love to dare to hate the man, but he did not seek people like, the biggest reason is the beautiful situation not near reason to defend, it is too overbearing incredible. Therefore, I am highly embarrassing rejection.
Studying there last year, farewell to the let me give up is the paradise, it is a mystery, especially the elderly slowly paddled the boat, while in charge of a pair of shuttle that wipe soft.
That Sunday morning, with the sun shining, the dew was shining under the foot. I quietly came back to the hut where the detour, congratulate the old man did not discover my keen. The lotus has not open, transparent green flashing in the dawn of life under the aura. The fish in the water is not much, but just a few only, is so full of water spirit take one’s ease, childlike yearning. Water is very beautiful and slender, delicate and pretty much let me find humbling, my eyes stay in the small wooden boat, wind and rain erosion make it look old, but still looks strong, strong, I am prepared to enter the hut to explore Zhenrong of, but the old man had been made in front of eyes bursting with precious is the anger of the touch. I was embarrassed, not by a few steps back. “I’m sorry, I just want to see.” “You are a violation of me.!” The momentum is clumsy and threatening, scared me to return to the campus when the severe heart slowly smooth.
I from no disgusted that he is after eating cold shoulder, instead, I for his strange behavior and is being strong interest, but this interest when I leave here and ran aground, like poem like picture into the sealed my heart dream.
Through the society, have wounded pain hi anger after, on the “love” is no longer being super illusion of space-time and fanaticism, or even a lot of time no longer believe in love, just to see not fluent in the world men and women dependent snuggles up to a soft touch, while it does not belong to me, I like a normal person very difficult to see in the air a little grain of dust, monotonous dancing their own unique life.
This winter, I was struggling in the whirlpool of feelings at sea. Eventually, I embarked on a nostalgic for the train, I always think the old man who had a beautiful story frame in the landscape, the likeness of the deceased old man, huts, wooden, lotus, water, fish overlapping emerge in front of.
Off after I straight dreamed many times that of the place to go to, the high walls of the barrier of my eyes, my heart is has non pressure bored to breathe. Acute chaos running went looking door, around a large circle, a large iron door finally appeared in front of, top with eye-catching black word says, “the ancient Zen Temple”, I will lift up the soft feet to walk into, the ear spreads to machine voice, some palaces have been built in the intact,, tourists in twos and threes out. I was really lost, find not the “Xanadu” location, walking slowly towards a middle-aged man, is carved, he sat on a big stone, with his head low to the attention in the hands of the work, his face covered with dust. “Excuse me, the old man here, the pond……” “You are silly old singles? To that beautiful place, visitors to see? He developed a good, but has been a developer package to buy, and now I am afraid that the gas was dying.”
My heart was shocked, and in his direction, I went to the next step in a high step. The sky has already gone with the snow. Far to see Lotus, in this does not belong to her season, the water surface is a layer of white, inside a frozen pericarp, plastic bags, not a small wooden boat, vaguely see the snow scattered broken wood, two oars leaning in the wall of the house, like two souls together, telling the legend of life and death, I subconsciously no longer drink denounced sorrow straight towards the hut. At this time I was covered with snow, not a white snowman. The doors closed cable cannot withstand a single blow. I gently away, a shares the wind tangled Saibian sporadic, in the line of sight fluttering, wall a magnification of black and white photographs on the bare walls of eye-catching. It was a young girl, looks not particularly outstanding, but she wrapped in white exude hazy glorious shock a beauty, I gazed photos for a long time, until the eye is acerb the, slow rotation. The room is very damp, and the dust in the corner is covered with dust. The old man is lying on the bed, covered with fire red quilt, but has long faded, but it seems to be the same, he is always hot heart. He seemed to feel the presence of people, eyes quickly opened. To see me, to enlarge the illusion of the pupil burst out of the blazing fire. “Quiet…… Jing……” He the Shu ground stand up, with open arms and walked toward me, I was the outbreak of the depths of his soul sound vibration photo live, seeing him will in one step from suddenly fell down, I was suddenly all petrified, helplessly looking at his face gradually yellow, the body in spasm after gradually stiff…
I and construction workers to he buried in a hut near, found no valuable things in his house, I under the pillow found a yellow coarse old notebook, quietly put it in the bag, I firmly believe that there will be a my years to explore the secret, carries with a fresh life like heart return to sit in the light, comb good mood, open the yellowing of the moisture and wear of the notebook. Some fairly neat words, some are visible or illegible, he was calm or joy or impatience or a mental state. No year, month, day, this is not a diary, can only be considered his whim of mood essay, I cherish the mood of an unknown soul exploration eagerly read.
Text mess crude, and some places seem incoherent, many typos, showing his words, I put his heart in his language try retelling the original record.
Today, I in the past, such as to the fields of soybean harvest, the new increase in a delicate and tender tender girl vision. I guess it must be just the countryside small knowledge youth, far looked at her clumsy and difficult work, childish yet off the face is aggrieved and helpless expression, with wonder of tears and sweat, the slightest tenderness of love and affection full of heart, thinking about because the landlord component parents were beaten to death, brother far away lands, houses are demolished, alone alone here, misery loves company let me unconsciously threw live hand finished and quietly went to the front of her, grabbed her hand sickle. She is one Leng first, carefully looked after I gratefully said: “thank you brother.” On the face of gratitude squeeze a smile, tears still hanging on the cheek. My heart is soft fine current hit at, bent down to hard work, I was like a very embarrassed, because I can feel that she smiled, and random bend used in military hard pulling beans, I clearly see her small tender hand grinding blisters… You take a rest, I’ll give you a cut end.” The captain came over from a distance. I also have a look, have a look of panic like her, “empty static, like you and how people share sb.’s joys and sorrows! Have the ability to stand alone in the big city not down — Zhuang Cheng, you are a hero?” My rebellious temper rose teng. “And what? Do you have any compassion? Did you see her hand Xuepao?” Captain Li this just look at her hand, “that slowly adapt to it.” Say go away.
In the evening, I took the gauze and the medicine to the hospital where she lived. Through the window, I saw she was touched tears, for the white dotted with small calico jacket, is simple, elegant, freshly washed hair neatly Pisan. The red hand there are several, skin rotted away, revealing the red flesh flesh meat, watching her poor grimy, discouraged at the appearance. , I live with no place of despair and she resonate with. I was determined to go to the door, and I had to go to the door. “Who?” She asked in alarm. “I…… I’ll give you a potion.” She peeped through the window to see me, his face smile, my heart ripples circle fluctuating, she give me opened the door, I dare not touch her eyes, handed her the potion and gauze. “Big brother! Where you live……” “I…… I can tell her I have no family, lived in a small cottage? I can’t!” “What’s in the family?” “I am a man, the parents are dead, brother disappear without a trace……” “We are so far up, my passion with a Q spirit came here, did not think this is the situation.” “I’ll try to help you……”
How can I use words to describe today’s mood? The body is tired of her voice when she had to clean out completely, soft hands let me feel hot. I suddenly discovered that my former life was so dull and colorless. Now feel her presence, he called a strange world of glory, small hut with sparkling soft. In front of her smart figure. I want to catch up with her, she like a spirit as flash to flash, nearly in the immediate and distant, at your fingertips, in the twinkling of an eye shadow…
The next day to harvest beans, I early to ground, dry two live, sky static that the time has been cut in half. I motioned her over. “Are you better?” “It’s not too bad.” “You’re looking at me.” Her to obey it, my heart. Always enjoy it
After the empty hand injury, slowly do whatever it can to live, but also slowly adapted to manual labor. We also know that. Not at ease with each other. Call it a day earlier, she must have a look at my place, because she knew I lived away from the village hut. I dissuade her and let her follow me step by step down the road, see next to the hut of the small water lake, she surprises cried: “beautiful good clear water ah! How can there be such a round lake?” “Listening to the legend is a meteorite falling from the sky.” “There is if there is a lotus, small goldfish, again on a small wooden boat, plus your cabin, how like a Shangri La in Wonderland. I’m here zaikuzailei no hope and no regrets.” “That’s not easy.” “Beautiful happiness is actually very simple.” She suddenly muttered as if understanding.
Not long, I put her out of a word all show. When I brought her here, she cried out in surprise. And therefore also frequented here, and often help me cook, wash clothes…… My favorite is her boat, humming with the lake look happy. His eyes narrowed into two curved shallow crescent. How happy it would be if such a long. But the beauty did not reduce her Mou is in a deep depression, her longing for their loved ones to be here without hope look in meditation in the show, this anyway, I couldn’t help her.
Is the night, I also like the usual in the brigade around. Wait until the lights in the room after the empty static interest on the back, suddenly see captain Lee sneaking towards the brigade to go. Tonight the countryside youth go out to play. Emptiness, quietness and stay with me in the together didn’t go to, is now the only remaining one of her, thought he is usually in the village love philandering, eye in the empty static body scan to scan to. I was in a wave anger. He followed him into the courtyard. He went straight to the empty house. “Empty, I’ll tell you something.” “What’s the matter tomorrow. I slept.” “Emergency.” “Then you wait.” I secretly cried: “do not open! Don’t open!” Can be pure empty or open the door. Captain Li suddenly hugged her. “What are you going to do? I’m calling people.” I now top of the portal blood spray, rapid to flee in the past, to captain Lee a kick, he is did not expect all of a sudden Cuanchu a “disappointing”. Rushed……
That is when I suddenly thought of my quiet to the empty. And I in a most unsuitable, perhaps the most appropriate, I lied and said: “you marry me, I see who dare to bully you…” The words, I regret it, I can let her live with me a small hut? But then I thought, I have a pair of hands, as long as we work together, we will have a house to live. Do not have any family we will have. In the thriller like kongjing stared at me.” “I…… I…… When I said no, you take a break. Do not easily open the door, no one is to open the door earlier.”
How can I let the air to marry me? An impoverished, poor guy presumptuous and than she is large at the age of ten, according to the vision of the village, I this life is doomed to a bachelor, host component of his hat on his head. So many girls in the village don’t marry me. This is not tell some fantastic tales? I regret the words I have to say, but also condemned the night. The second day, the empty quiet see me go straight. “Zhuang Cheng elder brother, my heart is very disorderly yesterday, you don’t angry ignore me.” “How can I be? When I did not say what.”
I and I have returned to the former. In fact, this is also very good, she can not leave me, I will not abandon her and go. But the nightmare of the night to let her captain Lee is full of panic, but also makes her more dependent on me, if she is so dependent on my life, how good, I will be happy.
By understanding the character of Captain Lee, I feel he will never let go, I specifically reminded emptiness, quietness and more careful, I often around the college team stay it to the middle of the night.
Note this actually is one of handwriting, to see that this is a girl from the mine. What is the matter? Obviously a whole book. There is no tendency to disassemble. Are they married, as most to the satisfaction of all, like, she later left him back to the city? With the discovery at the end of the mood, I hastily read, remember to write down.
Tonight’s event makes me be still suffering from the shock. Zhuang Chengge was wounded, one of them was killed with a knife into the village cut his arm. Hide run captain Lee called the police. I didn’t think he’d be protecting me around the team, or it wouldn’t happen tonight. I hold him, let his body blood stained my body. Police arrived, and I have repeatedly shown that the captain Lee is not planning to me, was found in the village, he was unwilling to take a special night with people playing Zhuang cheng. Captain Lee actually said I smite, they patrol found a person walk in here, afraid of my intentions, and force him to leave, didn’t expect him to use violence to resist…
No one believes me, nor is it true. Zhuang Cheng was taken away by the police, how should I do? To pay for the damages, but also to find ways to save the village, I can’t ignore him, so I too show ingratitude for favours. What can I do? What can I do? Ask your parents for money? Father was branded as a rightist, mother with three sisters is difficult, with Wang Tao to the educated youth not repeatedly to I expressed a favorable impression? His family was wealthy, he is willing to help me? He has repeatedly advised me and the relationship between the Zhuang into a far more, he thought Zhuang will hurt me, but the results? At the time of danger, save my only brother, and he is like a turtle, every time you go to? But in order to make the village, I have to try, I must try.
I found Wang Tao, I told him to relate in detail, asking him to think of a way to help the village become. He made it clear that he could help it, but he would be good with him, and he would break all ties with the village. How can I not agree with this situation? In addition, what can I do? Will no longer pick trouble captain Lee? I always want to have a person to rely on to protect themselves! If so, Lee will not harm the village, Wang Tao is the leader in special care, he dare to take him?
Wang Tao back ideas to chip in to the, the only thing I can do now is to Zhuang into the house and the surrounding all packed, which is Zhuang into everything, is my inner sanctum, I again and again to pray, hope Wang Tao back soon, Zhuang Cheng will be back soon, his injury? I’m going to see him.
Only a few days, Zhuang into a lot of significant weight loss, simple wound bandage, watching him look embarrassed, I am sad helpless reached out to him, he tightly hold. This is the first time, perhaps the last time, if settle this matter, we will be familiar with a stranger, he is I pay so much, I should repay him. Thought and his security in practical sense, and this feeling will be evacuated to, my tears overflow the eyes, he saw I was farewell is a complex expression of pain and comfort me said: “everything will be over, everything will be all right. You must learn to protect yourself.” “I will.” When saying this I obvious lack of confidence, in the face of a always peep your rogue, rogue, you flee and escape and does not open, and he can not deal with, only can do is sitting to death already.
Wang Tao came back and brought back enough money. He stole a piece of antique for father. And told me a good news, the local youth has begun to protest riots against the city, it is estimated that soon there is likely to be back to the city’s policy. I seem to see the future of hazy hope. Wang Tao randomly around my shoulder and said: “we are not here, eventually will leave here, see Zhuang to take care of you, this time I to help him, and regarded as and he quits, we put the banquet table’s public relations, after living in the same house. This is I save his premise.
We asked a few educated youth eat meal together after he had the action to save Zhuang Cheng, he told me all the arrangements properly I breathe a sigh of relief, of guilt in the Chengzhuang sense also to ease a lot, I before Zhuang into back one last time to the net, the cottage packed, Zhuang into scattered notebook back in its place, and leave me to save him, hope he can understand me and don’t come looking for me. “Have the right to find a partner. I’m not from around here, ultimately destined not belong to here, also forever won’t intersect to the mirage of this piece of paradise, because it does not belong to the world, does not belong to the trivial daily helpless life. If the error can be exchanged for the freedom of your life and Ankang, I would rather choose the wrong, once all the long is a dream, wake up everything as old.”
Kongjing ah, you might as well take a knife and stabbed me at your feet, how can you do this? I and where to go, you everywhere eludes me, I can only passively away from your line of sight, unapt let your gentle eyes flashed a lonely and sad. As long as Wang Tao treats you well. For you I can not give you, I also want anything else? As long as you capture a smile, I have been fish Huan he kai. I must take to protect our homeland, here fixed you many happy moments, you get your hands on one of the little goldfish indifferent, hand gently touch on the lotus leaf dew soft, remove lotus into the water, chasing fish intoxicated… Everything, will never come back again? Would you also give me a meal to help me wash my clothes?
Empty quiet pregnant, and that is the child of others, if it is my child how happy I am! The village is also a component of the landlord girls want to marry me, I refused. I said I had a purpose. I can’t do my and the empty space is another person trampled, if we can never, let me for her to protect this piece of clean.
Captain Wang never seems to stir up trouble, give up. Some local youth have anti city rumors. Did Wang Tao have the action, he would take time to leave together? Must I ever be able to see her in my mind? If she returns to the city, I will make a living in her place, and I will look at her well……
Wang Tao finally got his way out of the place. He walked alone, leaving the empty quiet, he is simply not a person, he said his father only to fight for a place, he will soon find ways to get the air to his city. Who knows what tomorrow? Who can grasp tomorrow? And who knows what he’s trying to do? He hinted that I would take care of the air, I don’t know what he means, what about him? I learned that he had gone to the air after he left. She was not in a good mood, pale, and flooded the sad, see I told her, “wow” sound of a cry, she is still a child, just 19 years old, bear so much the thorns of life and helplessness. I was at a loss, but repeatedly said: “he will think of a way, he can not put you in spite of, and his children.” “Do not say, Zhuang Cheng Ge, this world only you really to me good, I want to do? I often become nightmare, often wake up to open eyes to the dawn, I waiting for overdrawing life, I really do not know I will not die in looking forward to it. ” “How can you think so? At least me……” “If life can be repeated, let us meet in another place. Not the youth to the countryside, there is no such despicable villain captain lee…… Not all the outside of the evil of the intrusion, let us beauty and beauty of a life, I do not regret……” “You don’t say so, if Wang Tao takes you away, you can’t go, and I’ll take care of you.”
Although I attentive to her, she is always in a dazed and helpless melancholy, I’m afraid this to her physical disadvantage, but were unable to find a suitable language to comfort her. Wang Tao smelly boy never came back since he left. He received a letter from him. He said he is busy in his work, he will fight for her back to the town and asked her to take good care of yourself, remark how many degrees of truth I unknown, afraid afraid of emptiness, quietness and survive this period of time. I tried to tell her the lotus opened a small goldfish, grow up, very beautiful, I also renovated the small wooden boat…… It seemed to be of no interest to her, nor did she take a step, always sitting in a stuffy, often hours without saying a word.
Although and every day with her close together, I because she always looks at in deeply without look sad and helpless, and therefore deeply blame pain with, the pain is not inferior to her, I’m afraid it will her suicide, think of this I actually despair like piercing a.
Today, I hurried to the office to get to the point. I have a feeling that I have had a very bad feeling. I was afraid of her surprise, the door was closed, and she was lying on the bed again? I knocked on the door no one should, through the window, the day ah! She was lying in a pool of blood in the motionless, flustered, I go to the village midwife, and hurried back to her kicking down doors, but too late, she had no breath. The midwife said is bleeding, no hospital in time…… I am confused, crazy hugged her and ran to the hospital……